A Queen of Iron and Roses
by GrandFinaleigh
Summary: Elain's first visit to the Spring Court as told through multiple POVs. Ongoing project. Reviews and feedback encouraged. ACOWAR spoilers.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

 _Azriel_

"You would not let them do this if it were Feyre." I spat at Rhys. He said nothing in return but the look he gave me was severe enough that I backed down, if only for a moment.

"I'm not letting them _do_ anything. Elain asked to go. She wants to see the court her mate belongs to. It's only natural."

Rhys didn't meet my gaze as he picked at an invisible piece of dust on his jacket.

"And if memory serves, I endured Feyre doing much worse."

"Yes, well just wait until Tamlin finds out she's a Seeer. He'll lock her up too, and then you'll get to see how unlike Feyre she is because Elain would not survive!"

"Keep your voice down." Rhys demanded. "If you can't control yourself, go to the house."

I didn't move. I watched from a distance as Tamlin bowed and kissed her hand, and then Lucien led her into the carriage.

The horses began a slow trot, and as she leaned out of the window to wave goodbye, my heart splintered into pieces.

"She'll never leave the gardens of the spring court." I murmured.

"She's still wearing an iron engagement ring, Az. I don't think we can predict what she will or won't do."

"So what do we do now?" I asked of my High Lord.

"We get rip-roaring drunk." Rhys said.


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2

 _Lucien_

Elain stayed quiet even as we crossed the border to Spring. I couldn't find the words to say to her. I couldn't think of anything that wouldn't make her change her mind and demand to be taken home. She was a portrait of lady-like sophistication – a far cry from any behavior Feyre had ever exhibited.

Whenever we stopped to rest I picked flowers for her. She thanked me kindly, and occasionally asked questions about the variety which Tamlin answered in my stead. Being of the Autumn Court, I wasn't exactly well-versed in the Spring Court's flora.

When we arrived at the manor, she went straight to bed in Feyre's second bedroom just across from mine, and I barely slept as I strained my hearing for any sound that might come from her room. I was afraid she would cry, or alert Tamlin to her visions. Mercifully neither happened.

The next morning Tamlin and I sliced fruit and served it in the dining hall. Most of the servants had left, and many other luxuries had been depleted as Tamlin struggled for normalcy now that no Tithe could be instituted. Together, I believed we maintained the manor well.

The creak of the door and a small 'hello' alerted me to Elain's presence. My face heated at the sight of her here in her pale yellow dress, her curls glinting in the sunlight that streamed through the dining hall windows.

The Spring Court had never known such beauty. I hadn't.

I poured her tea and fumbled nervously with a stray thread from my emerald green tunic as she sipped and gazed out from the windows.

"Did you want to be mated today?" She asked

Tamlin nearly spat an entire mouthful across the table, and my own jaw hanged.

"WHAT?" I asked, my voice louder than I had intended

She flinched slightly. "Since the cauldron gave me to you, I just thought..."

"You have a say in the matter." I half-barked, before taking a deep breath and approaching it again. "It's up to you whether or not you accept the mating bond, and it's just that. It's a connection. It's not an arranged marriage. I don't _own_ you."

"Do you know how mating _works_?" Tamlin asked as he eyed her, with no small amount of amusement playing on his features.

"I don't understand it at all." Elain admitted. "How can you be in love with one person and then be mated to a complete stranger?"

"That is the question, isn't it? Surely your sisters can offer some guidance." Tamlin snorted, despite himself. "Feyre could write an entire book on the subject. "

"Feyre never wanted to be a wife." Elain said candidly. "She had no use for marriage. But I did. I always wanted to be a bride. And now...do Fae even have weddings?"

"Yes." Tamlin answered. My stomach writhed as I listened.

"I was going to marry Feyre. Many Fae choose to, if they find love but no bond is present. "

"She chose the bond over her promise?" Elain asked Tamlin. He nodded once.

"I'm sorry." She told him, and you could feel the sincerity flood the room around us. "My betrothed broke his promise when I became Fae."

"His ring should be insulting to you. For a number of reasons. Why do you insist on wearing it?" He asked.

Elain's throat bobbed as she swallowed. "Am I supposed to send it back so he can pledge to another? Is it any less shameful to keep in a box?"

I stiffened as Tamlin reached a broad tan hand across the table to cover hers. To soothe her. "Keeping it on your hand will destroy you. Eventually he will take another. Eventually he will die. You lost so much, but you've been given a precious gift. Don't waste it this way."

Elain took in his words. Slowly, carefully, she twisted the iron ring once around her finger, twice, and then slid it off completely, cradling it in her lap. "What shall I do with it?"

"Let's plant it." Tamlin growled, and as a merry spark reached his eyes, hers mimicked them.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3  
 _Elain_

My first trip through the gardens wasn't at all what I had expected. I knew that the gardeners had probably left, but for some reason I expected Fae (especially High Fae) to be more in touch with the soil than this.

There were more varieties of beautiful flowers than I could count or name, but many of them looked like they were drowning in their beds. Lucien was quick to point out healthy, albeit overgrown shrubs and I bit back a smile as I realized that in preparation of my visit, he had probably come out here and hacked at it himself.

"Do you have any gardening books?" I asked as I thumbed the withering leaf within a cluster of over-watered pansies.

"Dozens." Lucien nodded.

If I didn't accomplish anything else, I had at least found something to occupy my time with while I was here.

"Don't forget why we're here." Tamlin interjected as he rounded the hedge. Lucien sent him a disapproving glare that I didn't miss.

"I suppose it won't hurt the flowers." I mumbled as I pulled Grayson's ring from my pocket. Tears threatened to well up but I shook them away.

"Dig it a grave." Tamlin insisted, but Lucien moved for me.

"Keep it, Elain. If your heart truly isn't ready to see it go. "

I had no clue what my heart wanted. I was beginning to think that it was yet another part of me that had been lost to the cauldron forever.

I thought of Azriel, and that unsettled expression that his face held anytime he let his gaze shift to the band on my finger. I could leave it here. For him I could leave it.

"I don't want it in the garden." I said finally. I didn't want to think of it every time I was here. If I was truly to be rid of it, then it needed to be farther away. A place suited for its stature where I wouldn't be tempted to dig it up again.

"As you wish" Lucien promised.

I spent the rest of the day in the library, learning new plant species, and the next morning, Lucien and I set out alone on horseback to a spring buried in the forest mountains that sprang up around the edge of the manor's grounds.

Just inside the wood we passed a cleared space lined with cave mouths and trampled down grass. Torches were mounted against the stone face.

"Where are we?" I asked, and Lucien straightened.

"It's a ...bit of a um...gathering place. For the court." He coughed, clearly uneasy.

"For solstices?" I asked again, unable to keep my curiosity at bay. Any of the halls in the manor would be better suited for a party. The caves couldn't have housed more than a couple of people at a time.

"Various gatherings." Lucien coughed again.

"Will there be any while I'm here?"

"No." He said firmly, and his tone scared me too much to ask anything more.

The horses were delighted when we met with a stream that had trickled off from the spring. With my new Fae senses, I could hear it bubbling at the edge of the mountain.

All manners of life were wild here. I could feel them stretching and conversing in the green summer sun that beat through the heavy canopy.

Lucien helped me down from my horse and we walked hand-in-hand over a moss covered log that bridged the place where the spring flowed into a stream. I had to take his hand to keep from falling, but that bond between us went taught as I did so, and it was all I could manage not to shake him away.

"Is this place sacred for you?"

"It's almost as new to me as it is to you." He admitted. "I found it after our Spring celebration. I took off from that clearing you saw this morning and just kept riding until I'd found it."

"Must have been some celebration."

He released my hand and lowered himself down to sit on the log.

From this angle I could only see his firey red hair and the sweep of his dark eyelashes as he gazed down into the pool.

I sat down beside him, taking my time to adjust my skirts into something more ladylike. I wouldn't struggle with myself. I pressed Grayson's ring to my lips. The heavy iron was cool against my skin. I rested my arm against the log, the ring fisted in my hand that hung down over the water.

And then I let go.

The metal made a satisfying 'plop' as it met the surface of the stream, and the rushing water drowned out everything else.

A faint smile tugged at his features.

"I think you should let go of something while we're here, Lucien."

He lifted his head to meet my gaze.

"You mean you?"

"No." I said, perhaps a little too quickly. "Whatever happened to you, in the clearing."

He didn't say anything, but the way he looked down into the water after that made me wonder if he listened to my words at all. If he would let himself forget. He never told me what happened, but the visions that flooded my mind when we rode back through the clearing that night had my heart breaking for him, for what he had endured.

That night I flung my arms around him as we said good night. He watched me with a perplexed expression until my own door closed behind me.


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4

 _Azriel_

My presence in the Spring Court was less than welcome. Tamlin said nothing while Lucien cleared his throat ceremoniously everytime he was reminded of a new reason for me to leave.

"If Elain had asked to leave, we would have sent her back immediately."

That was his current protest. I cleaned underneath my nails with an intricate Illyerian blade.

"Is she eating enough, or is she wasting away?" The pointed words hit their target as Tamlin's fingers went white from the strain of the claws underneath.

"She has plenty." He ground out. "So much excess I expect she'll be _offering_ Lucien a meal any day now."

I started at that and everyone else around the table tensed. Before I could act on the anger, Elain let herself in.

She was cared for. It was so easy to tell. Her thin frame was now accentuated with womanly curves, and the blush in her cheeks was as bright as the roses she grew. The whisper of what Elain had been was now fully formed, and my breath caught it my throat at the sight of it.

"The spring court suits her, don't you think, Azriel?" Lucien asked. I would be a fool to deny it.

Upon further inspection only one ornament was missing. The iron ring.

The only thing that kept me tethered to the earth in that moment was that its space hadn't been filled with another.

Mercifully her scent was still her own.

She seemed delighted to see me, and I refused to hide my joy as she ran to me, and I embraced her for the room to see.

"There's so much here I've been dying to show you." She smiled.

"Show me."

She spent the day giving me a tour of the grounds. She had already fallen in love with the place. What of Lucien; I didn't want to know

It was a miracle that Tamlin would allow this, but their motives were clear. They wanted Elain for the spring court. Whatever had transpired had given them confidence that I wouldn't find the doubt I had come looking for.

By late afternoon, I agreed to take Elain out on the lake in a rowboat. The last activity before I would return to Velaris.

The small wooden dinghy was no friend to my wings. They flared behind me as I took up the oars.

Elain turned her back to me and let her fingers trail the vibrant water. We neared a wild enbankment to give me a break from the sun, and when she turned to me I lost myself in that look glazing her features, as her eyes fixed to the muscles in my arms and chest as I continued rowing.

"I missed you." Her voice was barely above a whisper. The water lapping at the boat could have drowned out the sound.

"You don't write."

"I thought it would distract you from what you came here for."

" And what, exactly, do you think that is?"

"I think you're trying Lucien out. Testing the feel of the bond. I half expected him to be your husband by now."

"Well he's not." She said quickly, though she ignored the other comments.

I steadied her legs as she stood up on her seat and extended on tip toe to reach the branch hanging above us. With a small snap she eased back down, and it took everything I had to release her and take the oars back up.

Elain pulled a plump berry from the stem she had stolen and popped it into her mouth.

"If you offer Lucien food it's the same as accepting the bond." I told her. "Just one of those berries, and he'd be your mate for life.

She gave me a hard look, pulled another and brushed it against my lips.

"What happens if I offer you one?" She asked.

" We don't have a bond to accept." I said. There was no small amount of regret in my tone.

"If I loved you, what that be enough?"

When she offered it the second time, I didn't hesitate. The berry was sweet, and the juice threatened to spill from my lips. After it was devoured, she pressed something else to my lips. Her own.

The berries weren't the only thing we had stolen, and we both knew that. I rowed to shore in near silence.

"Come back with me." I pleaded.

"Rhys says even if I don't accept the bond..." Elain said tentatively. "It will still be there. I'll feel Lucien every day for the rest of my life."

I couldn't hide my anger. "So mate him, then. Go live in your castle."

"Azriel."

"Really, Elain, if he's already won you, then go give yourself to him. Don't let me stop you."

She stood, tears in her eyes.

"Wait. Wait." I shouted but she had already pushed herself over the edge of the boat. We were within wading distance of the shore, but the water was still up to her skirts.

"I'll feel you too!" She shouted, her curls now pasted to the side of her dripping face. Not lake water - tears.

I felt it then, with every part of me, as a thin band from my heart snapped tighter into place.

"You can't be mated to two people at once!" I declared.

But, could you?


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

 _Lucien_

Azriel was nowhere to be found when a soaking wet Elain made her way back to the manor. She took the towel I offered but her explanation came out emotionally charged between fits of sobbing as we slowly traipsed in the direction of her room.

"What did he do to make you cry?"

"Nothing." She gasped, though I found it less than believable while tears still slid down her cheeks.

"He wanted me to go."She began and I nearly exploded in a fit of rage.

"But you stayed." I reconfirmed for myself. It was the only thing that made me feel as though I were attached to my own body.

"I offered him food." She admitted and I could barely believe what I was hearing.

"I do love him. And after ...it feels like I have a bond with him too, but only one can be real, right?"

"Why would you do that?!" I begged. My voice was loud though I wasn't exactly shouting. "You're always free to leave and to make your own decisions but you...you offered him food. You accepted a bond that didn't even exist...FOR HIM?!" I sought out a bench and sunk low into its green cushioned seat. I couldn't look at her.

"The bond with you isn't gone." It was meant to be a reminder, that much was clear, but I couldn't bring myself to let her dangle that hope in front of me. Not like that.

My eye whirled as I blinked back tears from behind it. I had nothing left to give her. She had taken it all.

"Perhaps if I had wings, eh? Or belonged to your sister's court. Would I be able to compete with him then?" I demanded.

She shrank back but did not answer. She looked ashamed, but that's not what I wanted to see on her face.

"I release you from the bond." I said finally. "From me. Go. Go to him. I'm done with you. The cauldron made us for one another, but you won't let that happen. Because I'm not the Night Court's shadowsinger. Because I'm not some mortal fae hunter. I'm not even whole." I gestured to the eye.

Elain didn't flinch.

"Lucky for Azriel that he could be your champion against Hybern. I'm sorry I couldn't hide. I left my own court. I went under the mountain. I took beatings for your sister. I fled to find your father. And all it managed to do was make me offensive to you. I'll take you home in the morning." I promised.

With nothing else to say to her I turned on my heel and shut myself into my room. I could feel a gentle tug on the bond through the door, but I ignored it. She would not be allowed to do this. It simply hurt too much. I shook as I thought of the next night to come. Of resting with her back in the night court. In his arms. Away from me.

After a few moments I heard her own door close. I pulled my tunic over my head and collapsed onto the bed.


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

 _Elain_

I tucked myself into my room and shut the door, sliding to the floor and crying into my knees.

It was a long while before I felt like I could stand. I washed my face in the adjoined washroom and changed quickly into the nightgown I had left on the foot of my bed that morning.

A rustling noise echoed in from the balcony, and I rushed to open the double doors in hopes that I would find Azriel there. Instead I was met with a gray membranous figure. It's head was bulbous and pale, and it had a long break like nose. It looked vaguely human but it's sharp smile invoked a vision of my own death that stifled a of my other senses.

I toppled over backwards and its lanky body unfolded and crept in over me.

"Pretty. Pretty." It's voice was a deep rough squawk that skittered down my spine. It's breath was cold and smelled of death.

It moved as if to caress my chin, but it's claws sliced through the skin upon contact leaving four deep trenches from the corner of my mouth to the top of throat.

My jaw dropped in horror as I willed myself to scream. No sound came.

The beast's own mouth yawned open above me, as if was going to absorb any other sound I might create.

I could see into it's throat as if I were perched on the edge of a dusty pit. Its breath rattled in and out with a sound like paint flaking away on its insides.

My entire body tensed as it moved closer.

I couldn't fight. I couldn't make a sound. I reached for Lucien across the great chasm between our minds. I begged and pleaded and screamed and cried out for him.

Tears begun to sting my face. My face burned from the salt water as it flowed into those wounds.

The monster cocked its head with sick pleasure as it focused on the source of that pain.

Lucien bellowed for Tamlin and the door to my room splintered and fell from it's hinges with a crash.

He moved in quickly, a knife in each hand. His chest was bare. He had already gone to bed, I assumed.

He collided with the creature and I squeezed my eyes shut. I could hear it's gargled pleas and something wet dripping on the floor.

Lucien growled as he took some sort of hit, and the sound of Tamlin's boots thudded into the room, pushing the fatal sounds closer to the direction of the balcony.

"Elain."

My muscles relaxed enough that my body trembled violently. I let my eyes snap open, and immediately regretted it. The papered walls of my room were marred with blood and grime.

"Lucien." I cried as I scrambled for him.

He pulled me into his arms with a single motion and carried me to his room.

"What was that?" I asked as he sat me on the foot of his bed and began to address the marks on my face with the utmost gentleness.

"Crepsen." He shivered. "They've never gotten in before."

"I let it in." I choked out as his eyes snapped to mine in surprise. "Why-"

"I thought it was Azriel."

His face fell

"I'm sorry that it wasn't."

Tamlin appeared in the doorway. "I took care of it. I'll check the house for weak points."

"It came through the door." I said miserably. "I opened it."

Tamlin leaned against the door frame. "That's a pretty backwards revenge plot. If it had taken your voice, you would have been done for."

I chanced a glance at Lucien.

"If you don't need anything else, I'll be going to bed."

"I'll take care of her." Lucien said evenly, and satisfied, Tamlin left us.

"Please don't make me go back in there." I begged Lucien, but he appeared torn. Finally he nodded. He retreated to his washroom for a moment and tended to my scrapes and cuts. His skin barely brushed mine, a whisper on my skin I had to concentrate to feel.

"I've always thought you handsome." I whispered as he tended me. The look he gave me told me he didn't believe it.

"What you said before...about your eye...It doesn't make you any less of a man. And certainly no less of a man than Grayson. " My throat bobbed as I considered. This little piece of truth was a gift for him. A repayment for my life. An apology for the berries. And Azriel.

I had been caught up in my own pain that I hadn't considered his. But perhaps I could ease it.

"My father gave Grayson his blessing. The cauldron picked you, but my father...my father picked a mortal for my bridegroom. It was the last thing he ever gave me. A special chosen dowry for my life with him. He was going to walk me down the isle. He was going to give me away."

"I knew him, briefly." Lucien reminded me.

"I didn't want to give that up. Not with so much of it already gone."

"Well, Azriel never asked him for your hand either."

"Azriel is my first real friend." I elaborated. "It's easy for my feelings to confused. He believed in me. Even when you thought I was crazy."

"You let him in." Lucien argued. "I didn't know what had happened to you. That's why I left. I figured I could be of use in the war. You shut me out."

His voice rattled with the ghost of that pain.

"Lucien, I could love you. I've seen it." As my thumb brushed his cheek, his breath hitched. I opened my mouth to speak again but he silenced me as his lips crashed into mine. He was molten fire and it melted that icy wall I built between us.

Still poised on his knees before me where I sat on the edge of his bed, his hands slid up the lines of my thighs and hooked around the lowest point of my back. I gave myself over to this moment. Lucien. Lucien. Lucien.

My heart thudded heavily against my chest and his echoed it. My hands cradled his face and drug him forward, His senses crept back to him and he parted from me slowly.

If we didn't stop now...

As if in silent agreement we disentangled from one another. I turned and crawled up the length of the bed as Lucien stood and pulled the cover back. We tucked ourselves in on each side of the bed in silence. His sheets were cool and soft but warmed quickly thanks to the heat that was radiating from him. He dimmed the lights and it took longer than normal to get to sleep from where I lay trying to calm my heartbeat and breaths.


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7

 _Azriel_

Tamlin sneered over his dining room table. From the moment he had led us in, it was like he was in on a joke that evaded the rest of us. I hadn't been able to think straight since I had left Elain at the edge of the water. I had to know.

Rhys had found a priestess, A'Mari (the very same that had verified his mating bond with Feyre) had accompanied me to the Spring Court at first light. Feyre had been shocked by what I had told her, but she believed that the priestess would soon get to the bottom of it, and preferred to keep her distance from Tamlin's manor. No one blamed her, except perhaps Tamlin who asked about her whereabouts the moment we opened the door.

"One of us usually prefers to stay with the city." Was what Rhys had delivered eloquently before Cassian had made an offhanded comment about Feyre not wanting to travel in the family way. Sorting that out for the joke that it was had taken but a single warning glance from Nesta while the rest of us sat in silence as we awaited Elain.

The door to the dining hall opened and Elain strode in carelessly with what must be Lucien's green dressing robe hanging from her shoulders. The nightgown that shown underneath was slightly askew and I thought I caught the glimpse of a tear and frayed edging. Looking away, I caught Tamlin's eye and suddenly I understood why he had found the situation so humors.

Lucien straighten the lapel on his jacket. Had it only been hours since Elain had declared some feeling for me? My body tensed and my stomach rolled over. It was all I could do to keep from being sick. I had known better than to let her come here, better than to have left during our fight, but even so, how could she have gone to him so quickly. My throat burned as I struggled to fix my gaze elsewhere.

"Well, someone just saved money on a white dress. Now we just have to figure out who..." Cassian said dryly as he leaned back on his chair with his arms folded behind his head.

Nesta looked less than amused. "She "saved money" on that while she was still a mortal. Father had a pink sash made."

While trying to hide my confusion, I noticed Lucien blanch.

Elain was looking between the others, her face resting on Nesta's. "Nothing happened." She said much more sharply than any of us were used to. "I'm still the same."

"Be that as it may." Tamlin interrupted, still looking slightly amused. "It seems your actions have caused quite a bit of confusion Elain. Everyone's here to try and sort it out."

Her eyes flew to mine. "I don't understand." She whispered.

I gathered my courage to speak. "After yesterday...I thought...maybe we might...that there was a chance we had a bond as well. Or created one."

Lucien didn't look surprised. He knew what happened out on the lake. I was the only one kept in the dark. I had believed her presence at the Spring Court was just an act of natural selection by the cauldron. The shadows whispered to me of their night together and my stomach went hot and then cold and the struggle to hold back the sickness overtook me again.

Lucien didn't have anything to worry about. He had been chosen. Once again I was pining over something that would never be mine. No more than Mor had been mine.

"I thought the priestess could sort it out, but there's no reason for me to even be here." I continued.

"Stay." If it had come from anyone other than Elain I would have ignored it. I had already stood from my chair without realizing it. The shadows steadied me.

"You don't hold any sway over me." I said at once. "Go back to your mate. Don't reach for me again."

Before anyone could say anything else, I was bounding out of the door. I could hear Elain's upset cries as she fled back upstairs. To her room. To his bed. What did it matter anymore?

Everyone else scattered, but I wouldn't be stopped.


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

 _Lucien_

"Can we agree this has gotten far too out of hand?" Rhys asked Tamlin. I didn't say a word I didn't dare. Tamlin shrugged.

"She's only in her twenties." Rhysand continued. "New to this earth, not to mention Fae ideals. Last week she still considered herself engaged to a human. Someone much closer to her age and ideals than the two of you could ever be."

"What was I supposed to do?" I demanded. "She was grieving herself to an early grave and anyway, it was Tamlin that convinced her to put the ring out."

Rhys lifted his head and considered Tamlin for a moment. "Seeing as how she's a guest here, I would suggest she return to the night court."

"You just want her for you friend!" I spat. "She's a guest in your court too, she can stay if she pleases!"

"I wouldn't assign her to either of you, Lucien." Rhys' tone was firm. "Do you really want her to be here? With Calanmai looming, you'd have her as a choice for Tamlin?"

My high lord didn't so much as try and pretend that he wouldn't consider her when the time came and my insides lurched at the thought of Elain inside of the cave.

"The bond could snap into place at any moment. I love her, Rhysand." I pleaded with everything I had. I couldn't lose her.

His hand braced the table and he spoke slowly as though educating me on something simple. Every word was a lesson. "She makes Azriel feel the same. She smiles at him. She confides in him. She gives her kisses to him."

"She kisses me." My hands balled up into fits at my side. "So be careful what you're suggesting! Elain..."

"Elain loves love." Nesta said. "We're not trying to hurt either of you, but someone has to be able to think through this clearly!"

"You had no right to shame her the way that you did!"

"The mating bond would not be so cruel as to offer three separate males to one female simultaneously." My eyes burned through the priestess as she spoke.

"She is my _mate_!"

It was my turn to leave the dining hall. I sprinted up the stairs two at a time. I paused at the door to my room, and turned, knocking instead on Elain's door. She didn't look surprised to see me, and she didn't look exactly happy either.

"They want me to leave?" She whispered.

I nodded. Over her shoulder I could see that she had already packed.

I had a million things I wanted to say to her. But all of it faltered.

"Do you love me, Elain?"

"Yes."

My heart lept.

"And Azriel?"

"Yes."

"And Grayson?"

"Lucien." She shook her head. "Stop."

"How can that be?" I asked.

She shrugged and looked away.

"It just is."

"What did your sister mean about your gown?"

Elain steadied herself. "My wedding wasn't far off. Grayson saw no reason why he couldn't begin exercising his rights as husband early. Is that some sort of deterrent to Fae?"

"Not to me."

We stared at each other.

"Elain, you should go back to the night court."

"WHAT?!"

"Distance yourself from Azriel. Write to Grayson."

"I thought I was your mate?" She cried.

"I know you are." And then I left.


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9

 _Elain_

I never expected he would turn me away. It wasn't betrayal with my lips against Azriel's. Lucien knew through the bond, better than anyone, that some piece of my heart had melded to his. My love grew as steady as his roses and it reached towards that light he gave. He had healed what I hadn't realized was broken. But many flowers still bloom beautifully in the shadows of the night. Poinsettias blush a more furious red than any lover's rose when taken into the dark.

Lucien didn't visit the night court as he once had, and Azriel couldn't be found coming and going from the townhouse. I sat in front of his door for hours. Either he took his leave by window, or he was never home in the first place.

This went on for a month.

Then one night Rhysand uncorked a bottle of liquor that was older than he was.

He cleared his throat to toast, "To my mate's sister, now my sister. To my friend, always my brother. And to this great blessing that we toast to with love. Congratulations, Nesta – Cassian."

Nesta's usual stoic expression broke and gave way to a soft smile. We all clinked our glasses together. The contents of Nesta's shown darker then the rest of ours, a savory grape juice in place of alcohol.

Cassian was the living breathing embodiment of a smile. He had a firm arm around my sister's shoulder's and they barely took their eyes off of one another save to soak in the congratulations being given from the others – Azriel included.

This was the second time I had seen him since I had been back, the first being Cassian and Nesta's wedding ceremony. They had shocked everyone with the traditional Fae and mortal customs. First the modest ceremony where the bond was verified. She had acted so aloof in her feelings that I could hardly believe it when she became teary reading her marriage vows. Cassian had held tight to her, his hands cupping her face and urging her forward. I had never seen Nesta love anyone that much, even me.

Her face filled with tears again as he pushed an ornate ring up the length of her finger with a garnet inlaid the precise color of his siphons.

Apparently they didn't believe in birth control either, because here we all were.

Azriel didn't look at me, but his happiness couldn't be denied as he clapped a hand on Cassian's shoulder and the two of them along with Rhys let themselves out onto the rooftop for cigars.

Feyre took out a parcel from the hall and gave it to Nesta. "Lucien sent it. Apparently the Autumn court is famous for these quilts. Keeps the baby nice and warm. I suppose its good advice to take considering how many siblings he has compared to the other high lord families."

Nesta removed the blanket from the packaging and ran a hand over the soft deep orange knit.

"I'll send him a 'thank you' letter in the morning," She mused.

I bristled.

"Lucien is so thoughtful. What are the chances he signed the card from the both of us?"

Feyre looked away but Nesta shot me a warning glare. "It _was_ thoughtful, Elain. We're lucky. We're lucky to be able to share our news with friends at all, after that stunt you pulled running between them."

"What would you know about it?" I snapped.

"Not nearly as much as you do. About Grayson. And Azriel. And Lucien. And cauldron knows who else. " I tried to hide it but the words stung.

"The cauldron had to force a bond into place because no one wanted you without it! Even with our father's money and your squeaky clean reputation, BOTH of your younger sisters were engaged before you." I hoped the words hit their mark, but Nesta didn't falter.

"And where did that engagement get you, Elain?" she asked.

Mor decided to change the subject by giving Nesta her gift. Two giant shopping bags filled with elegant pregnancy attire.

I stamped off into the hall, pulled my coat down from it's pegs and left the townhouse entirely.

Ten minutes into my walk and the great sweep of wings followed by the clatter of thick boots on the cobblestone told me Az had landed.

"Are you alright?"

"What do you care?"

"Mor told me that Nesta had been...accusatory about...I wasn't staying away because of anything you did Elain. You deserve Lucien, if that's who you want. It's just hard seeing everyone so happy, when I never get to be." Azriel said.

"I didn't understand how all of this worked. I didn't know it could get so complicated. Even my visions are...unclear." I told him.

He seemed even taller standing in the street than he did inside the house. I had forgotten how tall he was. How massive, when you considered the wings. He smelled like brandy and fine cigars. They had been celebrating Cassian's news properly.

"I figured I'd let you try and sort it out." He told me. "I have expected you to be writing Grayson."

That hurt.

"The only thing you did was leave me to take the fall for what we did together. No one is mad at you only me. I spend every meal with them while you're... Where have you been staying, if not the townhouse?" I asked.

"I'd offer to show you, but I think we're in enough trouble." He admitted shyly.

"That's not what I meant. You honestly think I'd do that?" I demanded

I sped off in the opposite direction before he could give an answer. I had had enough of what they were all insinuating. Feyre had left Tamlin for Rhys. She had been with Isaac with no expectations or backlash at all. I wasn't trying anything with Azriel, I only wanted to mend what I had broken.

Azriel was good for one thing. He kept his distance and didn't follow me. I walked until I grew tired, remembering that I didn't know where I could go, and couldn't do anything once I got there. I slammed myself down into a simple black chair outside of a coffee shop and nearly screamed in frustration as I noticed one of the shops patrons exiting with a croissant in one hand and a coffee in the other, originally intending to to settle down into the seat I now occupied.

"I'm sorry. Sorry. Take my seat. I don't need it anyway." I sighed.

I nearly gasped. The man was wearing a tunic with the Spring Court seal emblazoned on it. He had been dropping off Lucien's present to my sister, I guessed.

"Why don't we share it?" He offered. I remembered him vaguely from the war though I couldn't place him. He came and went from the manor often, and we hadn't spoken before now.

"I wondered why you had left the Spring Court so soon." He mused as he pulled apart the pastry to give me some. "It makes sense now of course, children are rare and a birth announcement is always exciting."

I nodded. No need to correct him.

"The spring court had been anticipating similar news, but that was before we knew you were leaving before Calanmai."

"Everyone keeps saying that. What is it?" I asked.

"Calanmai? Celebration of Spring. High fae – particularly high lords – they take a lover on fire night and send power back into the earth. Tradition as old as the cauldron."

"Tamlin is the high lord. What does that have to do with me?"

"Tamlin hasn't performed the rite in two years. It fell to his emissary last year..."He coughed and mumbled something unintelligible. I could tell he was uncomfortable telling me such things about Lucien.

The caves. That vision.

I thought I was calm, but I could now feel my blood boiling underneath the surface.

"And this year? Has he?" I tried to ask casually but I knew the hitch in my breath betrayed me.

The guard looked uncomfortable. "I suppose he selects tonight. Tamlin did say that Lucien would be participating in his stead."

"I need a favor." I asked at once.


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10

 _Azriel_

When I made my way back up to the house, the others were all waiting for me, the baby shower having wrapped up and the celebrations having died down.

"There were more packages at the post office," I told the group as I perched the stack of boxes on the hallway table.

"And Elain?" Nesta's eyes fix on me from where she sat on the sitting room couch, her long thin legs draped over Cassian's lap, his fingers deftly working the muscles through the balls of her feet.

"I ran into her. She was still feeling pretty uptight about everything. I think I made it worse," I explained.

"You did," said Rhys. "Elain has packed her things, and she's on her way to the spring court, even as we speak."

"But Calanmai...Tamlin!" I began.

"It's my understanding that she wishes to attend. Tamlin has decided not to participate again this year, and as such the duty falls to his second in command."

Rhys showed no judgment in his words. He answered calmly and evenly and the looks on every one else's faces reflected that same understanding.

"Lucien. Elain has left to meet Lucien, her mate, at the Calanmai celebration of the Spring Court." My voice broke and splintered around the words even as I said them. "He'll choose her. Even without the magic he'll choose her."

I was barely aware of the hardwood floor that rose up to meet my knees. The armor there clanked against the floor boards and my hands flew up to catch my head.

Mor's fingers grazed the leather scales on my shoulders. "Az, Az it's okay."

"Stop it." I demanded, and I knew from the way she pulled back the the shadow tendrils blossoming around my neck, speaking into my ears, had brushed her away.

"Don't do it now you never wanted to before." The pain was unreadable I couldn't tell if it was sorrow or anger or some uncontrollable blend of them both.

"The bond doesn't make your choices for you," Feyre whispered. "It doesn't pick who you love."

"It seems to do a pretty good job of making you forget about the others who love you, though." I snapped.

I glared at her, and I could see in her reflection that it wasn't just my pain reflected in her eyes, but Tamlin's as well. He had rash decisions for her safety, but his love for her had never been called into question. Funny how being in the night court, and being with Rhys, seemed to justify all of that for her. Tamlin was a wreck. Avoiding his Calanmai duties. Ignoring his life. With no burden of a curse on his face, the beast had stopped looking for love all together. Feyre had done that. He was just as lost and broken as she had been, but instead of locking him up as he had chosen, Feyre's instinct seemed to be to let him go. Without another thought.

"I'm going to. Even she's going to make this choice. She'll decide between the two of us."


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11

 _Lucien_

I drained a third bottle of wine to steel myself against what I was about to do. It wasn't nearly as hard, as being half-led into the cave by Ianthe. At least now I was fairly certain that whichever girl was chosen would not take this as an open invitation for the months to come as the high priestess had. Even as I clamored into the clearing in the hills, I had yet to feel that hunger for power that had knocked me senseless last year.

The women that flanked each route to the cave was blinded by tradition and fanciful notions of romance only. None of them were after a high lord's throne.

This did little to tame the acid that threatened to rise up in my throat. Elain often unwilling tugged at the bond between us, but today she might as well be skipping rope with it for the many nudges and words that came across that bridge. The fairy wine was more willing to drown out reality than the thoughts that poured in.

The drum beats came louder now, and I wondered briefly if Tamlin could hear them in the manor where he hid from his duty.

I strode up the dirt path, my green tunic and leather boots forgotten back in my room. I had let my hair go unbound as I felt the raw edge of magic and power surge through my veins.

I swayed dangerously as it took hold and the faces along the path blurred. I no longer saw them, but still continued to hear them whooping in merriment.

Breaths hitched when I strayed too close and it did everything for my confidence that I could still be wanted long after Amarantha and Ianthe had taken turns disassembling me.

I had been drawn in by a tall brunette near the mouth of the cave when a different scent hit me

full force.

It was a floral perfume of warring high notes. A symphony of roses and lavender, summer rain and the cry of doves singing to my blood and screaming Hallelujah. It was the calm to my fears and the breath to my life.

I gasped at the first sight I could make out through the haze, my eyes heavy and over-burdened, drunk from both magic and wine.

The cauldron would surely damn me if I ever accepted such a gift into my life.

Elain was in the crowd. Her hair hung down in wild curls, and a floral wreath had been braided and pushed down over the crown of her head. Those curls spilled out in peaks over the sides of it, like golden waves crashing in from the sea.

Her normal attire had been deserted in favor a soft gauzy dress, the color of pink from the sunset. It hung from one shoulder, and I noticed her other side was adorned in chalk-like paint. A picture of a blossoming flower lacquered onto her flushed skin, with painted petals of white and pink drifting across the rest of her body.

I reached for her immediately and she drifted into my arms as easily as if she had been one of the petals that had been painted, carried in on a phantom wind.

I could hear her heart pounding.

"You don't need to be here," I found myself saying. "This is my duty, and I know you won't have me."

"I won't let anyone else have you," Elain cried. "I couldn't bear it."

My feet threatened to betray me. I tried to tether myself to the earth, by pushing my fingers up into those curls, lest I float away into nothing.

"This isn't the place for you," I said. The magic tried to force my hand. I couldn't select any but her, but this ritual wasn't what I had in mind when I had imagined how I would declare my love for her. I never believed she would give her love in return. I had no intention of taking it here. Not in such a small mountain. Not when she deserved the world.

"I was meant for you," she trembled decidedly. "If your place is here, in this moment, then my place is beside you. Unless..."

"Unless?" My heart couldn't withstand any doubt.

"You would turn me away?" As she breathed the last word she looked distinctly crest-fallen, until the look was replaced with surprise as I lifted her up into my arms. Her lips crashed upon mine and the crowd roared.

We entered the cave together, and became so intertwined that I could not fear us being parted, not with our souls so melded as they were.


End file.
